Yesterday I went out in the afternoon to watch a football match. I wasn’t even that interested in it (I had to google who was actually playing – I know) but it was more to meet a friend of mine and relax in a pub. I had been pretty bad at meeting up with my friends in recent months and this was the excuse I was telling myself to justify me going out to meet up with him. Anyway a good afternoon was had but in the end, I was a mess.

Here’s the breakdown (from what I can recollect):

  1. I enjoyed the occasion and the conversation with my friend.
  2. The conversation/meetup was built on top of going for a few pints.
  3. I don’t even know how many pints I had.
  4. I was very very drunk by the time I got home.
  5. I sent some stupid messages in Whatsapp as I completely over-reacted to something that was said in a group thread.
  6. I woke up totally regretting that and having to make amends and apologise.
  7. I can’t really remember getting home.
  8. I cycled home like this. 
  9. I was cursing and ranting when I finally did arrive home. I think I scared everybody living in my house. I am so sick of this feeling, as, I’m sure, so are they.
  10. I spent all of my week’s money. 
  11. I ate a fast food chip shop meal on the way home – totally going against my weight goal.
  12. I stayed out drinking way longer than I expected to, in fact, I stayed out until late in the evening.
  13. I am dying with a hangover today as I write this – all I want to do is go home to bed. A waste of a day.
  14. The way I behave while drunk like this makes me sick, it’s like it is somebody else.
  15. I don’t trust myself while I’m in this state.
  16. I am craving the junk food today – the cheese, the chocolate, the ice cream – all of it.

Now looking down through those points – what exactly am I gaining from consuming alcohol? It’s hard to see right, these are all so negative.

What would I be missing out on if I gave up alcohol for a period of time?

The one thing niggling in the back of my mind is this – when I have stayed off the booze in the past, I tended not to even go out to the pub. I felt I would be too tempted and just cave in under the peer pressure from the lads. I still don’t really know how I can handle that situation yet when it inevitably arises. I still want to meet people and my friends, I just don’t want to do it under the veil of drinking countless pints.

If I’m not drinking what is the point of going to a pub right? I think this is the mindset shift I have to alter if I was to stop consuming the booze. The point is not the alcohol itself, the point is the connection and having a chance to nurture friendships by spending time with that person. But pints have always been the medium for me and my circle of friends to meet up. I want to give up the medium but I don’t want to give up my friends.

This is the proposal I am putting forward to improve myself and my closest relationships. The fact that people in my house may take a fearful sharp intake of breath when they hear the key in the lock is not the person that I want to be nor the kind of feelings that I want to invoke in my nearest and dearest. 

I have to change. I want to change. 

To kick start this change and to put some structure on it (I love structure) and to get myself motivated, I have decided to start a 90 day challenge with, effective immediately. This challenge for me, is up there with running my first marathon in terms of nervous excitement and uncertainty on whether I can do it or not. Bring it on! 🙂

Yours in health and happiness,