Self Sabotage & Why You Self Destruct

I’ll be the first to admit, I am not an expert on health. I am an ordinary guy, a dad, a husband, a friend, a son on an extraordinary journey to achieve better health and longevity. I’ve learned alot but I am not an expert on nutrition nor do I claim to be. But I have learned that good nutrition starts way before anything lands on your plate. It starts with your hormones, your mood, your days experience and your reactions to the events that happen around you and to you.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions and I am no exception. In a last few days, I made a pact with my wife that we will jointly try and both lose a few pounds that have crept on during the winter months. The days are getting longer and brighter here so our thoughts are probably turning towards summer holidays – better lose the bellies. So off we went, made the food plan for the week, did the shop and all set. While my wife has been very steady and doing really well on the plan, I seem to have gone completely the other way. I started well – Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday all good (ish). Thursday & Friday – a complete disaster. Burgers, chips, fizzy drinks, battered fish, chocolate, jellies, beer, crisps, nuts – you get the picture. To top it all off, now I need to take some pills to help with the stomach pains and cramps that I am experiencing literally as I write this.

So I sit here asking myself – why have I very deliberately sabotaged my own efforts to succeed on this plan? Why am I using food as a weapon to inflict harm on myself and my body and make myself sick? Why does it feel like I just want to eat everything and anything in my path until the point where I do get sick?

I know that the foods I have eaten in the last 48 hours cause huge inflammation in the body, they promote disease and illness, they cause huge pressure on my digestive system which I can literally feel is in pain right now as it tries to deal with all the toxins and chemicals in these artifical and fattening foods. Worst of all, I know that these are the exact foods I should be avoiding if I want to lose excess weight. Weight loss and gain is far more rooted in the mind and the mood than it is with what’s on the plate.

Deep down here’s what I think is going on.

I know my wife will be better at this plan so I am failing fast on purpose so not to even really compete – even though I know, at least intellectually, this is not a competition. Ridiculous male ego stuff, I know.
I am not owning it. I am not taking responsibility for my choices and actions.

I am going to bed now with a renewed sense of purpose. Tomorrow is a new day and I will start over. I am forgiving myself now for abusing my body with these dead artificial junk foods. I vow to be kinder to myself and to nourish my body and mind.